Poppy had Writer's Block

Welcome to Poppy's Blog!

Its been a while since I've blogged.  I had what they call "writer’s block." So, I decided to ride my bike, jog and hike.  I planted my veggie garden and more cut flowers. I have been napping every day for 30 to 45 minutes and meditating. I dwindled my moving boxes down to 2 boxes which is great. It’s nice to be on a hill where you can ONLY see the city lights. I have an owl that hoots nightly, turkeys that wake me in the morning and frogs and crickets that sing to me. 🎶 In the evenings we watch the sunset.  Every sunset is different. 

Before my writer’s block, I sent a book query to an agent in NY. I received an e-mail and thought it was spam then realized it was the agent I had sent my book query too. When you pitch a story, it can take somewhere between a couple of months to almost a year before you hear anything. Maybe I got lucky when I pitched “Polona,” in San Francisco. I walked in sat down and started to talk about my book.  The literary agent smiled and handed me his card and said give me 10 pages. I think my hard work, creativity and dedication is the driving force behind me. I now have two projects, I am working on simultaneously. Polona is not completed because I can’t end the story. It’s been in rewrite phase for 6 months. I guess I need to do what’s best and end the story. 

I am embarking on another book which is quite fun. Its about two people “Poppy and Marshal” plus their sidekick Max who is a black English lab. They enjoy being in nature and going on hikes and country drives looking for different flower species.  They are hired to assist ranchers that want a specific plants eradicated. Poppy and Marshal do not use pesticides or herbicides. They use their knowledge of plants and flowers to solve the conundrum.

As of now, I think I am out of the woods. My fiery passion for writing has come back. I feel refreshed, energized and confident. As Lang Leav would say: 

Once when I was running, from all that haunted me; to the dark I was succumbing – to what hurt unbearably.

Searching for the one thing, that would set my soul free.

In time I stumbled upon it, an inner calm and peace; and now I am beginning, to see and to believe, in who I am becoming - and all I’ve yet to be.

The most beautiful things in life are not things. They’re people, places and memories, and pictures.  They’re feelings and moments, smiles and laughter.

  

This weekend I will celebrate my birthday with family.  It’s wonderful to spend quality time with the people I love.  🥂 🎂 

I think I'm quite ready for another adventure.

The day Poppy met her red balloon

Welcome to Poppy’s Blog!

I am feeling better today. I worked in the garden planting a few more flowers. I am on a mission to grow the largest pink peonies. They are one of my favorites.  I also have yellow chrysanthemums which should yield a nice large flower, too.

Today I am sharing another story while growing up on the farm.

It was a couple of days before my birthday and my sister whispered in my ear that  mom was planning a party. Hosting gatherings came natural for her because she loved having company. The night before my birthday, my godmother Mary and godfather Ernie came to visit. They had a special present and wanted me to open it that night. I slowly untied the pretty bow and opened the box. My eyes lit up as I pulled the dress out of the box. It was emerald green on top with a pink ribbon that tied in the back and white pleats. They asked me to model it, so I ran into the bathroom and slipped it on. I felt like a princess, it was pretty, and the material was lightweight. I walked into the kitchen and everyone stopped to stare at me.  Mary my godmother said, "it fits her perfectly." I went over and gave Mary and Ernie a big hug to thank them for my birthday dress. 

As I jumped into bed I thought about my birthday party and how fun it was going to be. We woke up early and mom had breakfast ready.  We ate and then put our play clothes on to help with the decorations.  My mom had music on and was dancing with her broom as she cooked up a storm in the kitchen.  That meant she was happy, and it was going to be a good day.  We went out and blew up the balloons, covered the tables with a birthday linen which matched the plates and cups. My mom made her special punch with orange slices. I stopped to look at the punch bowl as the sun sparkled off it. Everything was perfect. After we finished, we went back to the house to dress for the party. My friends from school started to arrive and were sitting at the table along with my cousins. 

My dad had the barbecue going.  My mom and her sister Mercy along with Mary helped with the side dishes. We finished brushing our hair and ran to the front door. All three of us tried to fit through the doorway at the same time and I ended up falling and scraping my knee and hand.  My mom came running as I cried. She hugged me and helped me up.  I told her my dress was ruined and my knee was bleeding along with my hand.  She cleaned my scrapes and then applied red medicine. As I cried, she tied a red balloon to my wrist. She said when I have pain to pull on the string and my pain would go away. I stopped crying as I looked at the balloon. 🎈 The party was perfect. 🎂 

As I got older, the red balloon which became my safety blanket as a child reappeared because of the trials and tribulations I was experiencing. My daughter and good friend sometimes had to pop it before I floated away.  The red balloon had taken me from a child, teenager and senior. 🎈In the past couple of months, I have released the red balloon for someone who may need it.   I have become a stronger person inside and out.  As they say, you may not end up where you thought you were going, but you will always end up where you were meant to be.

In memory of Mom – My kitchen is for DANCING. 💃🏽

                         Poppy with her red balloon

Love always wins

Welcome to Poppy’s blog!

Today I am happy to be writing. I’ve been under the weather lately because my valley fever decided to flare up and create havoc with my body. My stay at the hospital made me think about our society and where it is leading us.

Our society is shifting towards more individualism and a lack of empathy. We only care for ourselves and our own welfare, but don’t care about others. We are becoming self-centered and have the inability to see the whole picture because we only see our picture. This is going to be a problem down the road when disaster strikes.  This is what I plan to do.

As a grandmother, I am going to teach my granddaughter Sophia the things that my mother taught me:

     Love thy neighbor
     Don’t take people or things for granted
     Words have power but our actions shape our lives
     Collect beautiful moments not things

Here is what Poppy will teach Sophia:

     Always be a little kinder than necessary
     Fill your soul with adventure
     If you don’t like where you are, move you are not a tree

What will you teach your children or grandchildren? When you are out and about try to say “hello” to at least three people. Remember there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people.

   

Take time to enjoy the little moments

Welcome to Poppy’s Blog!

I woke up Saturday morning and it was a bit nippy. I heard baby birds chirping near my window.  I looked outside and saw a nest with baby birds and I had to smile. 😊 Oh, how I love nature. That day, I decided to pull weeds, crochet and listen to music. I was able to get a little vitamin D while pulling weeds. In certain areas, the weeds were pretty thick. As the day progressed, the winds kicked up and my windchimes were singing. I decided to come in and finish the green afghan and work on Sophia’s Valentine’s Day present which is a large granny square.

On Sunday it was family day. We took a drive and had lunch together. Occasionally, I take Sophia out for dinner on Fridays and she calls it “date night.” Only because she heard my friend call Wednesday “date night.” She is very observant for her age.

This weekend we had the February “Snow Moon.” This moon is named after the snow on the ground.  Some Native American tribes named this the Hunger Moon, others called it the Storm Moon. This is what I do when a full moon is present. I put my clear quartz crystal outside in the earth so it can recharge, purify and be cleansed. The following day I allow it to charge in the morning sunlight. I then bring my crystal in and hold it in my palm face up. I close my eyes and let my intuition guide me. The goal is to attract positive, healing energies and abundance. You must be in a calm state of mind to receive a positive effect. So, when you hear a full moon is coming start taking slow deep breaths, soak in a warm bath with lavender, listen to soothing music and drink lots of water. 

I will end with this note. Make sure to fall in love with the process of becoming the very best version of yourself.

Change can be sunshine if you let it in

Welcome to Poppy’s Blog!

I have been busy packing.  It’s a bittersweet ending leaving my cottage, but I did learn a lot about myself. This was the first place that I lived alone after my husband died.

I remember the day I moved in. My daughter helped me unpack and kept reassuring me that I would be ok.  As she drove away, I waved and felt terrified. Charlie my husband’s dog stood next to me as my stomach turned. I know Charlie felt exactly what I was feeling but I took a deep breath and thought of my husband. He would always say “cowgirls don’t cry,” but at this moment I did not feel like a cowgirl. I looked at Charlie and said "well, it’s just me and you kid.” I took Charlie for a walk around our new neighborhood.  It was like I was a child all over again. Going out to explore new territory. I was excited and scared. That night I put Charlie to bed near the closet.  When I got up to use the restroom, he somehow ended up next to the bed and I stepped on him. He let out a cry and I felt bad, so I slept next to him.  The following night I put his bed next to mine and that is where he slept. 

There were days I would sit and look out the window for hours. I felt like a wilting wildflower. I was living on salami, cheese, crackers and grapes.  These were the items we ate when we took our country drives, bicycle rides and picnics. One day, I met a nice man who enjoyed being out in nature. I told him my story and left out no details.  We ended up taking country drives.  We talked about wildflowers, nature and life in general. When I did not feel well I would go home and take a nap.  I gathered flower pods in different areas that we explored which included Modoc county. We planted a garden and grew the smallest carrots in the county. Lol! We even went fishing. He was easy to hang around and fun. Little did he know that I needed help. 

My daughter did some research and found a grieving center.  She drove me over and checked me in.  When I was admitted they said, I was in survival mode.  They supported me and taught me how to grieve.  They explained the grieving process.  Everyone grieves differently.  I had back to back deaths, I lost my mom in 2016 then I took care of my ex-husband who died of cancer in 2017 and then my husband in 2018. I had to write letters to each one of them, it was tough, but I did it.  I cried and cried.  I also wrote a letter to my friend who was very nice to me.  I had one nurse read the letter, she was neighbors, years and years ago with my friend. I was open and honest.  The nurse cried and asked if she could share it with the other nurses at the station.  After that, I had nurses visiting me on a daily basis.  They wanted me to read what I wrote for the day.  One of my letters is framed and hanging at the nurse station.  It was a letter in how I felt abandoned, and forced like a flower bulb to grow.

I must say, I have become a stronger person and can sit in restaurants and coffee shops all by myself. I take my vitamins, exercise and smile, often.  I go grocery shopping and buy food.  I cook and sometimes bake.  That is what you call "progress."  Just for the record, not all positive change feels positive in the beginning.  I wanted to share my story to help others who are grieving.

I will end with this quote.  “There is nothing stronger than a woman who has rebuilt herself.”

I realize it is perfectly okay to admit you're not okay

Welcome to Poppy’s Blog!

I would like to share a story about my anxiety disorder after the death of my husband. He died of an autoimmune disease that was rare and not treatable. We were happily married for 16 years. I became overwhelmed with sadness and grief.  It was slowly taking over my life and I had to do something about it.

I sat in my living room and could hear the rain as it trickled down the rain gutters from the house.  I stood up and walked towards the window, opened the drape and looked outside.  I squeezed my sunflower bead necklace that my husband gave me for our 10^th anniversary with my left hand.  I had not been feeling like myself lately.  It started with shortness of breath, irregular heartbeat, hot flashes, shaking, lightheadedness and nausea.  I figured I was tired so I would lay down and take a nap.

One day while picking up my granddaughter Sophia from school I had an anxiety attack in the school hallway. The parents started to arrive, and I felt like the hallway was getting smaller. I went into a tunnel and could not hear anything. I squeezed my sunflower necklace and closed my eyes.  I could feel my heart racing, a flush of heat ran through my body and I started to sweat. The next thing I could remember was my granddaughter Sophia tugging at my hand saying, “let’s go grandma, let’s go.” I leaned down and gave her a kiss and she hugged me. I pulled my hanky from my purse and wiped my face. 

It happened again, while I was standing at the grocery store.  The man behind me stood close to me.  I felt his breathing on my neck.  I froze and my heart started to race, the flush of heat went through my body and I started to sweat.  I could feel the sweat bead up on my upper lip, and my glasses got foggy.  I pulled my hanky from my purse and wiped my face and glasses. The cashier asked if I was ok. I always thought if I counted or held my sunflower necklace it would ease the attack.  Nothing worked.  I left the groceries at the store, got into my car and cried. To this day, I don’t remember how I got home, but I did.

As time progressed, the episodes came and went until one day I decided to make an appointment with my doctor. The doctor took my blood and asked a few questions.  He said he would check the blood panels, but he felt it was a case of grief causing the anxiety attacks.  He pulled his stool next to my chair and said, it would be a good idea for me to see a psychologist.

I have been seeing a psychologist for 2 years. I was diagnosed as having “complicated grief, which is frequently associated with an anxiety disorder.”  Today my anxiety is better and my self confidence has returned. I did not realize it was all intertwined. My senses were on high alert, such as growing eyes behind my head and hearing for miles. Due to my profession as a forensic accountant I am highly detail-oriented. But, my senses were on overdrive which made me exhausted. I became a super hero with exceptional sensory skills.

As of today, I am getting better.  I don't worry about what other people think of me. They have never walked in my shoes aka barefoot. Haha! I don’t take anything for granted.  I share, and I am living, loving and learning.

I will end with this note.  I realize it is perfectly okay to admit you’re not okay.

Frank J Espinosa 

04.30.35 - 01.09.2018

My new picture is from Adelaida, CA

Come Follow Poppy's Blog!

My new picture is from Adelaida, West of Paso Robles, CA.  


"My Sponsor"

Below is a link to my good friends nursery "Finley Family Nursery" in Templeton, CA.  If you ever find yourself in the area, please stop by.  Jamie is a great horticulturist and lovely just to chat with. 

https://www.finleyfamilynursery.com/default.html