The Radiating Vibe

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Last year, I decided to participate in the NYC Midnight 250-word Microfiction challenge. 5,439 writers participated, and there were 125 groups, with approximately 44 writers per group.

The challenge is where you are assigned a genre and what needs to be in your story. Well, if you know me, I am a hopeless romantic, but I have never written a romance short story or story, so this was a challenge for me.

"The Radiating Vibe"     Written by Poppy

Coralee had a bad day at work because she was written up, so she decided to stop at her favorite watering hole. She walks into the bar and hears Todd Rundgren playing, hello, it's me. Coralee finds an empty bar stool and plops down. She continues to sing; I've thought about us for a long time. As she looks to her left, a big athletic guy is smiling at her with piercing blue eyes like hers. Coralee smiles. The bartender comes over, and Coralee orders a drink. The athletic man introduces himself as Louie and says, may I buy your drink? Coralee says yes. When the drink appears, she takes a sip. Louie then says bad day. Coralee says working in an office with all ladies can drive you crazy. Louie says I work with grown men who whine all day. Coralee says, touche!   

As they continue chatting, mostly small talk, Coralee notices she is finishing his sentences, and he is finishing hers. They order more drinks, and they are laughing. Coralee likes his laugh; it's contagious, just like hers. But his vibe was something else. It was radiating around her body. Coralee adjusts her skirt, smiles, slowly crosses her legs and swings them towards Louie. You could see Louie looking at her legs. Louie then smiles as he puts his hand on Coralees thigh nonchalantly. Coralee does not flinch and allows Louie to touch her thigh. Louie then reaches over and whispers in Coralee's ear. "I want you." 

Below is my feedback. This was definitely a challenge for me.

Dear Poppy,

The feedback from the judges on your 1st Round submission from the 250-word Microfiction Challenge 2022 is below. We hope you find the feedback helpful and are proud of the story you created for the challenge. Thank you for participating.  The numbers are judges.

"The Radiating Vibe" by Poppy 

WHAT THE JUDGES LIKED ABOUT YOUR STORY

{2256} I thought Louie working with whiny men was really funny. 

{2253} This story does a great job of adding mystery and a build up of sexual tension. I particularly like the ending when the scene seems to slow down a bit as the narrator is describing Coralee as she adjusts her skirt and Louie looking at her thighs—slowing this scene down shows how much the characters themselves are focused on these movements, thus building the tension and heat of the moment. 

{2281} Coralee and Louie meeting feels natural and at the whim of chance. There's something inherently romantic about just that kind of meeting. The idea that Coralee randomly deciding to stop for a drink could alter the course of her love life is a timeless concept. 

"In the end we all become stories."  - Margaret Atwood